


I Can't Believe I Almost Lost You

by actualbabe



Series: Tumblr Dialogue Prompts! [4]
Category: New Girl
Genre: F/M, Gun Violence, Originally Posted on Tumblr, PTSD, based on real life events, but also a very real fear many in the USA have, school shooting, see notes for specific content warnings, this is scary stuff folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 08:51:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12884346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualbabe/pseuds/actualbabe
Summary: LOS ANGELES, CABREAKING: Ten people (6 students and 4 adults) were shot and killed Monday morning at Coolidge Middle School in Los Angeles, California. Five people (all students) were wounded and are currently being treated at the local hospital. One teacher is in critical condition. An armed individual forcibly entered school grounds approximately two hours after the school day began. Details continue to emerge about precisely what happened.





	1. Jessica Day

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning: discusses the aftermath of a school shooting. Main characters were not harmed, vivid details about blood/gore are not included. May still be triggering to some.

It’s all over the news.

_LOS ANGELES, CA_

_BREAKING: Ten people (6 students and 4 adults) were shot and killed Monday morning at Coolidge Middle School in Los Angeles, California. Five people (all students) were wounded and are currently being treated at the local hospital. One teacher is in critical condition. An armed individual forcibly entered school grounds approximately two hours after the school day began. Details continue to emerge about precisely what happened._

Her hands are still shaking. Jess knows that she’s sitting in the hard plastic chair at the local fire department, but her head is still stuck in that classroom. The classroom where she teaches 7th grade English, with the door locked and lights shut off, an extra desk pulled in front of the door to barricade the entrance. She’s still crouched underneath her desk in the back corner of the classroom, counting and recounting the number of students, her grip tight around the emergency preparedness kit, and trying not to cry.

Her classroom is on the second floor, tucked away in a back hallway that always makes it hard for new students to find on the first day of school. The intruder didn’t make it past the main corridor before police arrived. She’s fine. She’s safe. But no matter how many times she tries to reassure herself, her heart is still racing and her teeth are chattering and her  _damn hands won’t stop shaking_.

They evacuated immediately after the police gave the all clear. All students and faculty were escorted to the firehouse across from campus. For the past hour it’s been a constant stream of parents showing up and frantically searching for their children. By now all of the students have been picked up, pulled into the arms of relieved parents with tears streaming down their faces. Jess keeps glancing over to the small circle of adults huddled around each other, either staring numbly into the distance or hysterically sobbing. The parents of the children who didn’t walk out of the school. It’s terrifying that she knows the students and teachers who were…

She doesn’t want to think about it. Not yet.

“Jess.”

Her head snaps up at the sound of the familiar voice, and there’s Nick running towards her. She instinctively rises out of her seat. He crashes into her, the full force of his body slamming against hers as he pulls her into his embrace. Nick holds her like he’s never going to let go. His grip is iron-tight around her middle, squeezing her tighter than he ever has as he tucks his head against the curve of her neck. Jess’ eyes fall closed, her arms wrap around his shoulders, and she presses her face against the soft fabric of his flannel shirt. He smells like cheap detergent and Schmidt’s shampoo and booze and it’s so familiar and  _normal_  that she starts crying. She hasn’t cried since the whole disaster started, either trying to stay calm in the crisis or too numb in the aftermath. But the magnitude of what happened is suddenly sinking in and she’s terrified and relieved and distraught and a hundred other things she can’t quite put a name to.

“God, Jess.” His voice is rough and his hand is in her hair with the palm cradling the back of her head. It’s something he does a lot. When they’re kissing, when they make love, when he’s playing with her hair as they sit on the couch during movie night. “I thought you were dead.”

Jess lets out a choked sob. She remembers sitting in her classroom and wondering if she would ever get to be in his arms again, wondering if their kiss goodbye before she left for work would be their last one. “I’m here,” she whispers. “I’m fine.”

“I know.” The shoulder of her shirt is damp and she dimly realizes he’s crying. She tightens her grip around his neck, pulling him even closer to her.

“We’re fine,” she says again, even though she doesn’t quite believe it.

Her hands are still shaking. But when she presses them against the solid weight of Nick’s body they don’t tremble any more.


	2. Nick Miller

Nick is halfway through his bowl of cereal when he gets the text from Schmidt.

_Is Jess okay?_

His brow furrows. She left for work about two hours ago. She didn’t seem sick or anything. Is something wrong? Does Schmidt or Cece know something that he doesn’t?

It’s been a regular morning, just like any other Monday. He’d woken up to the sound of Jess’ alarm blaring that Taylor Swift song she’s obsessed with lately. He had groaned and tried to muffle the loud noise by sticking his face into his pillow and Jess had laughingly pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before sliding out of bed and silencing it. He dozed off while she got ready, and finally crawled out of bed once her second alarm started chirping insistently in his ear. He had found her in the kitchen and pulled her into a kiss before she left.

“Bye, honey,” he murmured against her cheek, still half asleep. “Love you.”

Jess had smiled and kissed him again. “Love you, too.”

Nick re-reads the text and racks his brain trying to figure out why she might be upset with him. He sends a quick response to Schmidt.

_yes? y?_

A few seconds pass and his phone buzzes again.

_Check the news._

Nick frowns at the phone screen and grabs the remote off the coffee table. He shuts off the Cubs game he was rewatching and changes the channel to CNN. Some woman with huge hair and a bright red dress is talking loudly as four other panelists nod along to what she’s saying.

“I think it’s clear, Anderson. We can’t keep avoiding this issue or pretending that action doesn’t need to be taken. It’s not even a debate anymore. We need stricter gun control in this country, and we need it now. We need to face the facts. Our children are no longer safe in our public schools…”

The woman’s voice fades away and as he switches his focus to read the text at the bottom of the screen.

_BREAKING: SHOOTING AT LA MIDDLE SCHOOL; POLICE ON SCENE; DEATH TOLL UNKNOWN_

It hits him like a punch to the solar plexus. Nick’s chest collapses and suddenly he’s struggling to breathe. He fumbles for his phone, fingers trembling as he dials Jess’ number. It rings over and over, and a chill runs down his spine when it goes to voicemail. Her chipper recording echoes in his ears.

_“Hi there! You’ve reached the cellphone of Jessica Day! I can’t come to the phone right now, so please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can! Thanks! Have a great day!”_

He hangs up and calls her again. And again. And again. He keeps calling, desperately hoping that this time will be the one where she answers. His heart sinks deeper into the pit of his stomach with every missed call, because it’s starting to look like she might not be  _able_  to answer and that means that- That she might be- That she could’ve-

The tv screen flickers as they transition away from the panel and into a new segment. There’s a reporter at the scene, standing in the parking lot just outside of the police barricade and giving live updates on the situation. Nick stares numbly at the tv, because that’s the parking lot where he picks up Jess after school sometimes. The parking lot where he surprised her during her lunch break after they first started dating and where she’d wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled as they kissed. The same spot where a SWAT team member is now standing, decked out in full armor and talking tersely into a handheld radio.

“This just in, Anderson,” the reporter says into the camera, her voice eerily calm. “The intruder has reportedly been neutralized and the school has been given the all clear to evacuate. SWAT teams are currently in the building to safely escort the students and staff to the nearby fire department building, as well as to assess casualties. We don’t have those exact numbers yet, Anderson, but officials are working as fast as they can to assist emergency medical services. More updates as they progress. Back to you, Anderson.”

Nick is numb as he stumbles out of the loft and down the street to the garage where his car is parked. He drives to the firehouse completely on autopilot. There’s a massive amount of traffic in the area. Police officers are at every intersection to direct the steady flow of cars and make sure emergency personnel can still get in and out of the school. Nick spends almost an hour trying to get through the worst of it, drumming his thumbs restlessly against the steering wheel and trying not to let his worst fears spiral out of control.

All he can think of is Jess. Her breathtaking smile, her infectious giggle of a laugh, her mesmerizing blue eyes. He thinks about waking up with her in his arms, about kissing her until they’re both breathless, about bickering with her over one of their meaningless arguments. He remembers the warm feeling in his chest the first time he saw her, the bolt of lighting down his spine the first time they kissed, the explosive feeling of joy the first time she said  _“I love you.”_

Nick has no idea what he’s doing, in general and in life, but whenever he has Jess by his side, he’s sure that they’re going to be okay. She’s got that giant heart that’s part compass and part flashlight and she’s just the greatest person he has ever met. He’s lost without her. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do without Jess. She’s his  _everything_. He feels like he’s falling apart, like his brain is spaghetti and his future is this dark hole that he can’t stop tumbling down into.

The parking lot is nearly empty when he finally arrives, and he doesn’t see Jess’ car among the few parked near the firehouse. Nick slips his hand into his pocket to find his lucky coin but comes up empty. He must have forgotten it in his rush to the station. He squeezes his hands into fists, takes a deep breath, and prepares for the worst before unlocking the door and stepping out of the car. The gravel crunches under his feet as he makes his way to the entrance, his jaw clenched tight as he tries not to cry. Because he can’t break down, not here. Not now.

There’s a firefighter posted at the entrance who seems to be in charge. Nick clears his throat as he approaches him. “Um, I’m looking for Jessica Day?” his voice cracks on the second syllable of her name. The man looks down at the clipboard in his hands and flips through the pages of the roster. Nick looks around the room at the remaining crowd. After a few seconds he finally spots her, sitting in the back corner of the room with her arms wrapped around herself as she stares off into space. It’s her.  _It’s her._

His heart soars and he yells, “Jess!”

And then he’s running to her, and she’s in his arms again, and he’s never going to let her go. He’s crying all over the fabric of her pretty dress, but he doesn’t care because she’s  _alive_. She’s alive and fine and he didn’t want to admit it earlier, but he was so sure that she was gone. That he had lost her. That she was dead and there was nothing he could’ve done to protect or save her. He holds her even tighter, marveling at the way they fit together as he presses his nose into the soft, sweet-smelling locks of her hair. He hugs her with every ounce of strength he has.

_She’s alive._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check me out on [tumblr](http://actualbabe.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> check me out on [tumblr](http://actualbabe.tumblr.com/)


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